I started September thinking about all the things that I had to include in my To Do’s List (lists)… and I got a tiny bit upset with the activity.
Last week, I mentioned the need to get back with my writing program and how I was getting along with SMART Goals (read all about it here…).
This week, was the moment to deepen the knowledge of my perceivable tasks. So it was time for:
To Do List
I am quite self-conscious about what I put on my To Do List. Mostly because I feel there is a connection between the making of a To Do List and how I manage my feelings, and general willingness, to do those mentioned tasks.
I always feel I refrain from getting too specific on each item because I am afraid I will back out of doing them if I contemplate the general volume of them all. So I simplify and cut them to the most achievable parts.
I have been using these lists for quite some time, and occasionally, I have perceived myself to be quite overwhelmed by them.
When I am in a turning point for starting something, lists usually get too intense. Even if not at the moment I am working on the list itself, but afterwards, when it’s time to walk the talk.
By now, I assure you, I have handled my list issues, and already tackled my Goals Revision, Tasks Update, and have started to include all my ongoing creative projects onto my daily routines.
But it has been a few hard days because…
And this was a wretched beginning indeed!
Reminding me of the following quote from (a most beloved) “Pride and Prejudice”:
‘This is a wretched beginning indeed! My sole dependence was on you; and I am sure nobody else will believe me, if you do not. – p.312 of “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen, Wordsworth Classics Edition
I kept wondering about…
- I had a list of ongoing writing (and creative) projects.
- I knew what each one entailed.
- What tasks should be added in a day’s work.
- I believed I had diversity enough on my creative endeavours.
- That my engagement with each project was healthy enough and that I could assure my output flow.
- They were sufficient in quantity, and different in quality.
- And were complementary to one another in most cases…
So… why couldn’t I just get on with it?!?!
Figuring some things out
Mulling over all of this, I crossed paths with the definition of procrastination, on Daily Calm (meditation on the app).
Why was I procrastinating? What is a coping mechanism? Which strong emotions? Why couldn’t I just (re)start?!?!
I kept trying to give some answers to these questions and got to the conclusion that the avoidance mode was ON.
I may know what I have to do but… what if it’s worthless? what if it’s not? what if it’s just tolerable (another ‘P&P’ reference – p.17)enough?
What if I go back to them and perceive they are terrible? And I will spend the rest of my days in a poor, sad, alone, and in the verge of a ‘not fit to be seen‘ state? (okay, I’ll give it a rest with the ‘P&P’ quotes)
Worse yet, what if I (somehow) can perform a (nothing short of a) miracle, and write something that may succeed? How will I deal with THAT?!
Or, the most hard of them all, what if I put all the efforts and then, it will never amount to nothing more than okay. Not too bad, not too good, just existing in a kind of perpetual state of nothing special? (UAU! This hurts!)
How to cope with this?
We all have our coping mechanisms. Something we think, or do, in order to deal with a cause of stress.
What occurs to me, as best known examples of coping mechanisms, are unhealthy or addictive behaviours. But that’s just me being narrow-minded.
I am sure there are lot’s of healthy coping mechanisms… like walking, exercising, talking to a friend… what else? Add to healthy coping mechanisms in the comment section below, please.
Avoiding a task as a coping mechanism
Can we cope if we avoid? I don’t think so, and yet… it’s just standard operation mode kicking in.
Adding up to my To Do List is a coping mechanism? If I just keep adding but never get to do something, I believe it is.
Delaying the starting point of a project is a coping mechanism? If I never start, it is.
Avoid committing to a plan, schedule, output is a coping mechanism? Ohhh, yes.
As for strong emotions… aka stressors
By delaying restarting my projects, what am I avoiding here? And doesn’t this avoidance mode gives me more strong emotions?
I decided to include this phrase here about stressors:
We are all different and must care for ourselves the best way we can.
So, what strong emotions? What am I avoiding here? Grief? Shame? Impostor Syndrome? Uncertainty? Fear?
Of what? The outcomes? The efforts? The lost opportunities? The ‘I should be doing something else‘ plague?
Avoiding strong emotions with strong emotions? Substituting the uncertainty of it all, with the certainty of quitting my writing projects? Because strong emotions cannot be avoided, they are interchangeable. Today I worry about THIS and tomorrow about THAT.
Identifying the most important tasks and breaking them down
Can I identify my most important tasks? Can I distinguish among them all, which are those that really matter? And why they are the most important?
And, in the lack of external rewards, am I devoted enough to these projects?
Am I really interested in doing these specific projects? And if so, why?
And this reminded me of the following quote…
Going back to the drawing board, aka my journal, I started to remind myself of the basic of setting smart goals.
And, let me remind you and me both that, Journaling always helps when a troubled mind keeps struggling to sort things out. Writing about our conundrums give us a safe space to think about them and disperse false notions.
I took all my Goals and tested them out.
Smart Goals imply that they are:
Specific – what I want exactly to achieve?
Measurable – how do I know I have achieve it?
Achievable – am I genuinely able to achieve it?
Realistic – will this goal be worthwhile?
Timely – when will it be achieved?
A more visual approach to these, which I printed out and sticked right in front of my nose.
I kind of concluded that it doesn’t matter to set big, unattainable goals. What I can do is set my goal for each project and keep my wheels turning towards a much bigger dream.
And it was important to remind myself of this, because:
- I started lists,
- decided on ongoing projects,
- defined completion times,
- content
- and my commitment to the bigger picture and…
finally, got myself some writing time in almost all of my projects.
So I just pulled up a google sheet and started typing away at my goals for each on going project and, this time around (yes, I periodically do this exercise) tried to juggle my schedule to fit all the demands that each project ensue.
From writing a fiction book, to manage my three blogs, to creating YouTube content… I am trying to be specific on this, while still feeling like it’s all a big mess.
But if you want to know more about setting smart goals and achieve them, please let me know in the comment section. I’ll be glad to give a more in-depth perspective on this.
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Bye and see you soon.
